Well, I did work out yesterday...not today, but the day ain't over yet.
I am trying to figure out if I am going to be the funny, fat friend forever or if I really have the schmootz in me to be healthy. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be healthy.
My goal for this week was just to exercise and considering it's 8:20, maybe I should light a fire under my bum. I am so conflicted about everything. Thin and healthy or fat and satisfied...ain't that a quandry?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack
Depressed, but back. (sigh)
I can't do hcg right now. I just can't. I don't know how other people feel about it and deal with it, but I have to have a certain amount of calm in my life in order to focus so hard on food and choices. Yeah, I'm a food loser. I know that.
I have decided that my main focus right now is getting active again. I'm going to start exercising. EVERY DAY...except Sunday. That's my day off.
And I was incredibly inspired by Jennifer Hudson and I am going to try and break the co-dependent cycle I have with food. I have to change my mind-set from "live to eat" to "eat to live". I have to. I'm killing myself. I can tell that my yo-yoing is doing damage. And whether or not it is doing damage physically...it is doing damage psychologically.
And While the scale is the ultimate judge, jury and executioner...I'm am changing my tactics a little bit.
Goal #1: Going down a level on Wii fit. And with any luck, that means that the Board won't sound like it's going to die every single time I stand on it. I think that is a good goal.
I'm taking baby steps. I'm going to teach myself that I don't have to reward myself with food NOR do I have to take out my stress, anger or whatever else on myself with food either. Food is fuel...I'm not a squirrel and I don't have to store up for the winter.
Okay Monday, I'm winning today...sorry about yer bad luck.
I can't do hcg right now. I just can't. I don't know how other people feel about it and deal with it, but I have to have a certain amount of calm in my life in order to focus so hard on food and choices. Yeah, I'm a food loser. I know that.
I have decided that my main focus right now is getting active again. I'm going to start exercising. EVERY DAY...except Sunday. That's my day off.
And I was incredibly inspired by Jennifer Hudson and I am going to try and break the co-dependent cycle I have with food. I have to change my mind-set from "live to eat" to "eat to live". I have to. I'm killing myself. I can tell that my yo-yoing is doing damage. And whether or not it is doing damage physically...it is doing damage psychologically.
And While the scale is the ultimate judge, jury and executioner...I'm am changing my tactics a little bit.
Goal #1: Going down a level on Wii fit. And with any luck, that means that the Board won't sound like it's going to die every single time I stand on it. I think that is a good goal.
I'm taking baby steps. I'm going to teach myself that I don't have to reward myself with food NOR do I have to take out my stress, anger or whatever else on myself with food either. Food is fuel...I'm not a squirrel and I don't have to store up for the winter.
Okay Monday, I'm winning today...sorry about yer bad luck.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Oh Dear
Okay. I suck...and apparently I'm a quitter. But yesterday nothing was staying down or in. Yeah I know...gross. I could have used it to my advantage, but decided that hydration was just way too important to mess with. So I am on temporary hold. I will be starting up again next Monday, when I have had enough time to adjust to my full dose of medication that is causing the problem.
Until then...
Until then...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Better...
Day 6: Down 2.2
At least I'm down. I feel like I have lost a day and I HATE THAT. Oh well. I worked to stay hydrated, and I think that made a difference.
If there was a ever a day when I was going to blow it....yesterday was the day. Enough happened that I should have gone to all of my secret stashes throughout the house. Shhhhh....don't tell anyone I have secret stashes. I think the medication nausea came in handy.
I'm going to keep on truckin'. Don't know what else to do. I have 22 lbs to lose before I am going to stop. Rather than making it a 3 week session, I'm going to go until I hit this goal. We'll see how it goes.
Total Loss to Date:
At least I'm down. I feel like I have lost a day and I HATE THAT. Oh well. I worked to stay hydrated, and I think that made a difference.
If there was a ever a day when I was going to blow it....yesterday was the day. Enough happened that I should have gone to all of my secret stashes throughout the house. Shhhhh....don't tell anyone I have secret stashes. I think the medication nausea came in handy.
I'm going to keep on truckin'. Don't know what else to do. I have 22 lbs to lose before I am going to stop. Rather than making it a 3 week session, I'm going to go until I hit this goal. We'll see how it goes.
Total Loss to Date:
9.7lbs
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sigh
Day 5: Up 2 lbs. How? I mean how? Really?
I have been through the entire range of emotions this morning. Sadly, I understand what is going on, but it doesn't mean I am going to like it any more.
GROSS ALERT--You've been warned.
I'm stopped up, I'm a girl and have hormones and I didn't drink enough water yesterday.
BACK TO REALITY
I only ate once yesterday. But I ate a double serving of protein and probably too much fat. But I figured since I am only eating once a day, what could it hurt? I'll tell you who it could hurt...my scale. I'm pretty sure it groaned this morning.
Today's focus: Drinking enough water. I'm going to try for 2 meals, probably protein shakes at both, but make sure to HAVE VEGGIES. My body is seriously off-kilter today and I need to fix that.
I know that this can happen, it has happened to me before and can last for up to 3 days...I'm sure it can last longer, but I'm working off of personal experience here. And when you aren't losing pounds, you tend to be losing inches. I'm going to try to hold off measuring because I only want to measure on Mondays and Thursdays. But if I am still up tomorrow, I may have to break down and see....
Total Loss to Date:
I have been through the entire range of emotions this morning. Sadly, I understand what is going on, but it doesn't mean I am going to like it any more.
GROSS ALERT--You've been warned.
I'm stopped up, I'm a girl and have hormones and I didn't drink enough water yesterday.
BACK TO REALITY
I only ate once yesterday. But I ate a double serving of protein and probably too much fat. But I figured since I am only eating once a day, what could it hurt? I'll tell you who it could hurt...my scale. I'm pretty sure it groaned this morning.
Today's focus: Drinking enough water. I'm going to try for 2 meals, probably protein shakes at both, but make sure to HAVE VEGGIES. My body is seriously off-kilter today and I need to fix that.
I know that this can happen, it has happened to me before and can last for up to 3 days...I'm sure it can last longer, but I'm working off of personal experience here. And when you aren't losing pounds, you tend to be losing inches. I'm going to try to hold off measuring because I only want to measure on Mondays and Thursdays. But if I am still up tomorrow, I may have to break down and see....
Total Loss to Date:
6.9 lbs
Friday, March 26, 2010
Please Don't Hurl, Please Don't Hurl
Day 4: 1.4 lbs. YAY. I better start really enjoying the loss because I know there is no way possible that I am going to be able to sustain losing at this rate. Why? Because I'm a girl. Boys lose like nobody's business. Girls on the other hand, if they even think about cheesecake...BAM-15 lbs right on the thighs. It's so wrong.
Only ate once yesterday, but I was really nauseated, so I added a little extra fat to my meal because I figured it was the only time I was going to be able to eat. I'm not hungry, so eating once a day isn't the problem.
My husband tried put the 'weird' of hcg into words for me and basically it is hard to watch other people eat. You feel fine, you aren't starving, but being around people and food is kind of hard. And when you are around people who are eating...yup, that much worse.
When you have an 'eating disorder', co-dependent relationship with food or whatever you want to call it, it isn't like other addictions. You can't stop forever. You have to keep eating to sustain life, but you have to COMPLETELY change everything. There are days when I really wish the food pyramid was chocolate, cheetos, diet coke, bread and vegetable...and yes in that order.
Total Loss to Date:
Only ate once yesterday, but I was really nauseated, so I added a little extra fat to my meal because I figured it was the only time I was going to be able to eat. I'm not hungry, so eating once a day isn't the problem.
My husband tried put the 'weird' of hcg into words for me and basically it is hard to watch other people eat. You feel fine, you aren't starving, but being around people and food is kind of hard. And when you are around people who are eating...yup, that much worse.
When you have an 'eating disorder', co-dependent relationship with food or whatever you want to call it, it isn't like other addictions. You can't stop forever. You have to keep eating to sustain life, but you have to COMPLETELY change everything. There are days when I really wish the food pyramid was chocolate, cheetos, diet coke, bread and vegetable...and yes in that order.
Total Loss to Date:
8.9
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I'm Drowning
Day 3: 3.8 lbs. No that isn't a total. That is just yesterday. That's nice. I would have more enthusiasm, but I think I'm going to puke everywhere. It isn't the hcg. Another medication switch has the side effect of nausea. So I'm thinking I'm totally going to use this to my advantage. As long as I stay hydrated, I am not going to worry about food. I supplemented my one meal yesterday with a protein shake. I kind of like that plan.
Okay, downside to hcg: you have to drink a ton of water to keep your body properly hydrated. I'M DROWNING. I am so sick of going to the bathroom. Really. I know I should be thinking pee the fat, pee the fat...but I am really wondering, "Is Charmin really the softest tissue there is?"
I'm positive today...positively nauseated.
Total Loss to Date:
Okay, downside to hcg: you have to drink a ton of water to keep your body properly hydrated. I'M DROWNING. I am so sick of going to the bathroom. Really. I know I should be thinking pee the fat, pee the fat...but I am really wondering, "Is Charmin really the softest tissue there is?"
I'm positive today...positively nauseated.
Total Loss to Date:
7.5lbs
11 inches
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)