Oh Dear

Okay.  I suck...and apparently I'm a quitter.  But yesterday nothing was staying down or in.  Yeah I know...gross.  I could have used it to my advantage, but decided that hydration was just way too important to mess with.  So I am on temporary hold.  I will be starting up again next Monday, when I have had enough time to adjust to my full dose of medication that is causing the problem.

Until then...

Better...

Day 6: Down 2.2

At least I'm down. I feel like I have lost a day and I HATE THAT. Oh well. I worked to stay hydrated, and I think that made a difference.

If there was a ever a day when I was going to blow it....yesterday was the day. Enough happened that I should have gone to all of my secret stashes throughout the house. Shhhhh....don't tell anyone I have secret stashes. I think the medication nausea came in handy.

I'm going to keep on truckin'. Don't know what else to do. I have 22 lbs to lose before I am going to stop. Rather than making it a 3 week session, I'm going to go until I hit this goal. We'll see how it goes.

Total Loss to Date:

9.7lbs

Sigh

Day 5: Up 2 lbs. How? I mean how? Really?

I have been through the entire range of emotions this morning. Sadly, I understand what is going on, but it doesn't mean I am going to like it any more.

GROSS ALERT--You've been warned.

I'm stopped up, I'm a girl and have hormones and I didn't drink enough water yesterday.

BACK TO REALITY

I only ate once yesterday. But I ate a double serving of protein and probably too much fat. But I figured since I am only eating once a day, what could it hurt? I'll tell you who it could hurt...my scale. I'm pretty sure it groaned this morning.

Today's focus: Drinking enough water. I'm going to try for 2 meals, probably protein shakes at both, but make sure to HAVE VEGGIES. My body is seriously off-kilter today and I need to fix that.

I know that this can happen, it has happened to me before and can last for up to 3 days...I'm sure it can last longer, but I'm working off of personal experience here. And when you aren't losing pounds, you tend to be losing inches. I'm going to try to hold off measuring because I only want to measure on Mondays and Thursdays. But if I am still up tomorrow, I may have to break down and see....

Total Loss to Date:

6.9 lbs

Please Don't Hurl, Please Don't Hurl

Day 4: 1.4 lbs. YAY. I better start really enjoying the loss because I know there is no way possible that I am going to be able to sustain losing at this rate. Why? Because I'm a girl. Boys lose like nobody's business. Girls on the other hand, if they even think about cheesecake...BAM-15 lbs right on the thighs. It's so wrong.

Only ate once yesterday, but I was really nauseated, so I added a little extra fat to my meal because I figured it was the only time I was going to be able to eat. I'm not hungry, so eating once a day isn't the problem.

My husband tried put the 'weird' of hcg into words for me and basically it is hard to watch other people eat. You feel fine, you aren't starving, but being around people and food is kind of hard. And when you are around people who are eating...yup, that much worse.

When you have an 'eating disorder', co-dependent relationship with food or whatever you want to call it, it isn't like other addictions. You can't stop forever. You have to keep eating to sustain life, but you have to COMPLETELY change everything. There are days when I really wish the food pyramid was chocolate, cheetos, diet coke, bread and vegetable...and yes in that order.

Total Loss to Date:

8.9

I'm Drowning

Day 3: 3.8 lbs. No that isn't a total. That is just yesterday. That's nice. I would have more enthusiasm, but I think I'm going to puke everywhere. It isn't the hcg. Another medication switch has the side effect of nausea. So I'm thinking I'm totally going to use this to my advantage. As long as I stay hydrated, I am not going to worry about food. I supplemented my one meal yesterday with a protein shake. I kind of like that plan.

Okay, downside to hcg: you have to drink a ton of water to keep your body properly hydrated. I'M DROWNING. I am so sick of going to the bathroom. Really. I know I should be thinking pee the fat, pee the fat...but I am really wondering, "Is Charmin really the softest tissue there is?"

I'm positive today...positively nauseated.

Total Loss to Date:

7.5lbs

11 inches

My Name is Wendy and I Have....

Day 3: 1.2 lbs. Okay. Like every other fat person in the world I want to lose 50 lbs overnight. I know that isn't feasible, reasonable or going to happen. It doesn't change the fact that is what I WANT to happen.

So far I haven't been too hungry. It takes a few days for the body to adjust on hcg to the lower calories. I didn't have an extra protein shake yesterday, but I ate a huge dinner. I am leaving the extra protein shake open for me. Any day I wake up hungry, it's an option. That is the diabetic protocol, and I figure I may have more luck that way. One day at a time though.

I have been trying to figure out how to explain what food is like for me. A few years ago a friend and I 'named' our eating disorder and really, I think it's the best description their is. I'm sure there is a real name for this, but I call it....

APATHETIC GORGISM

I know. Cool name. The basis is that I don't care how much eat or when I eat. I have no off button. When I think about it, I don't even haven an on button. I don't think I have a button at all. It's kind of like on Kirstie Allies new show. She asked someone if they had to be hungry to eat. When they said yes, she replied, "What a novel concept." It really is a novel concept for someone like me. Hunger doesn't have ANYTHING to do with food. It should but it doesn't. I learned to stop eating by people watching me pack it in. When people stare, I stop. True story.

Total Loss to Date:

3.7

That's It?

Day 2: 2.5 lb loss. Most people would be overjoyed. I know that. But on Hcg I have never had less than a 4 lb loss on the first day. But I am letting myself eat some fat this time, so that I can hang on a little bit longer.

About Hcg. How does someone who has done hcg stay fat? Easy peasy. I don't learn. I am stubborn and I like Oreos. I know how to eat, I just choose not to. It's one of the crazy things that is riding inside of my brain. Hcg works, but if you aren't going to change the way you eat when you aren't on hcg, it doesn't really matter.

I think I am bloggin about this because first, I need to get it all out. And second, I think I'm more accountable. Maybe, maybe not. I have to try before I can say for sure that this isn't going to help me get my food issues straight.

And I promise, I have ALL sorts of issues with food. I'll be sharing...some funny, some not so much. But right now, I don't want to be the funny, fat friend anymore. I want to be the healthy, funny friend, who looks good in whatever she has on. Which is usually sweats, but I want to look GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD in sweats.

Loss to date:

2.5

Day 1-Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman on a Diet

My weight is something I am very sensitive about. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to avoid EVERY mirror...bathroom mirrors are the hardest.

I stopped using regular sizes a long time ago and now refer to my clothing as tent sizes. I would like to be out of my circus tent and into a family size tent. It's good to have goals.

I am not ready to post my weight yet, and as I go through this journey I'm sure I will offer way more insight into what it is like to be the funny fat friend than anyone wanted. So for now, I will just be posting my cumulative weight loss...I'm trying to be positive.

So for now, we are at ground zero.

Weight Loss to date:

0