Back to the Beginning

My ten pounds are back and they brought a little friend with them.  That's okay.  I have been under so much stress, it's amazing that I don't weigh more. 

Do I have any idea what I'm doing?  Absolutely not.  Do I have any odds on my chances of success?  No not really.  My only goal is that I want my swimsuit to fit a little bit better while I am out getting second degree burns on the majority of my body.  Oh and I don't want to hear anyone else say, "Thar she blows."

I don't know why this is such a struggle for me.  And maybe it isn't any more of a struggle for me than it is for everyone else.  I know that I don't feel good....too bad that isn't enough of a motivator.  I like me, I think I'm fun...but for some reason I won't take care of me....at least not any more than the very basic of things.

Well, the adventure begins, yet again.  It's a good thing I believe in Mondays.

So Far...

Hmmmmm, maybe there is something to that whole eat less, exercise more thing.  4 lbs.  That's nice.  I don't want to get hyped because I can't afford the emotional roller coaster right now.  I need to just take things one day at a time.

Sticking to my do one good thing thing...huh?  Anyways, I did the ol' treadmill again yesterday AND mowed the lawn.  I have already been on the treadmill this morning, so today, my one good thing is going to be drinking more water.  That's good.  I just need to be near a bathroom.

Yeah...It's Tuesday

Yesterdays goal was to do one good thing for myself.  I did.  I walked on the treadmill.  YAY.  It was good to realize I actually could move again.  I think I might do it again.

I didn't weigh this morning, I never do on piano days.  When you get up at 6 to wake up two unwilling children to get to piano lessons...it doesn't really allow for something as simple as weighing.

But I am going to do one good thing for me today too.  One good thing.  I think I'm worth that.

I Don't Know If You Noticed...but....

I haven't got the faintest idea what I'm doing.  For such a know it all, I really suck at knowing it.

Today I am trying again.  And if you haven't picked up on the theme, I am totally a Monday person, which is why I always try and start everything on Monday.  I don't know what I am doing.  I don't think I ever have. 

Today, my focus is today.  I just want to make good health/food choices today.  Tomorrow isn't even a consideration.  So I am going to try and go and do daily posts again.  It's just the idea of return and report.  It's a good idea...I just need to follow through.  So one day at a time.

One good health choice today. Just one....

Oh, and yes I did gain back my favorite ten lbs...

It's Begun...Again

I'm trying to sort out my issues...with food.  And since EVERYTHING in  my life is tied to food, I suppose that means my life.  But now that one of my kids has been diagnosed with food allergies, it has completely messed things up.

So I am not weighing, I am not measuring.  I am making this about better choices, and feeling better.  Sheesh...we'll see how that goes.

No Illusions

Well, I did work out yesterday...not today, but the day ain't over yet.

I am trying to figure out if I am going to be the funny, fat friend forever or if I really have the schmootz in me to be healthy.  I don't want to be skinny.  I just want to be healthy.

My goal for this week was just to exercise and considering it's 8:20, maybe I should light a fire under my bum.  I am so conflicted about everything.  Thin and healthy or fat and satisfied...ain't that a quandry?

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack

Depressed, but back. (sigh)

I can't do hcg right now. I just can't. I don't know how other people feel about it and deal with it, but I have to have a certain amount of calm in my life in order to focus so hard on food and choices. Yeah, I'm a food loser. I know that.

I have decided that my main focus right now is getting active again. I'm going to start exercising. EVERY DAY...except Sunday. That's my day off.

And I was incredibly inspired by Jennifer Hudson and I am going to try and break the co-dependent cycle I have with food. I have to change my mind-set from "live to eat" to "eat to live". I have to. I'm killing myself. I can tell that my yo-yoing is doing damage. And whether or not it is doing damage physically...it is doing damage psychologically.

And While the scale is the ultimate judge, jury and executioner...I'm am changing my tactics a little bit.

Goal #1: Going down a level on Wii fit. And with any luck, that means that the Board won't sound like it's going to die every single time I stand on it. I think that is a good goal.

I'm taking baby steps. I'm going to teach myself that I don't have to reward myself with food NOR do I have to take out my stress, anger or whatever else on myself with food either. Food is fuel...I'm not a squirrel and I don't have to store up for the winter.

Okay Monday, I'm winning today...sorry about yer bad luck.